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Youth behind a fence self-sabotage

Is Self-Sabotage Holding You Back?

Often in life, we end up thinking and behaving in ways that self-sabotage our best efforts and hold us back from success. Whether we procrastinate too much, engage in negative self-talk, or don’t take care of ourselves – we make achieving our goals monumentally difficult. The world is complicated enough without us making things harder on ourselves. Let’s identify our self-defeating behaviors and then overcome them.

Download eBook and Workbook: Your Own Worst Enemy: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behaviors.

6 Common Ways Women Self-Sabotage Themselves

Whether you want to believe it or not, the world today is not easy for women. Even in the workplace where women are supposed to be equal, they are not always treated as if they are. Why then do they waste their time in self-sabotage?

Think about these ways in which you might be self-sabotaging yourself if you’re a woman:

Not Dreaming Big Enough
The problem with feeling like we’re not good enough is it establishes a false belief system. As a result, we start making our dreams too small. We think we shouldn’t have big lofty goals because we don’t think we can reach them. This is not true. After all, how can you attain great heights if you never try?

Emotional Overwhelm
Any time we let out emotions run away with us, we stop ourselves from making forward progress anywhere else. Worry, anxiety, and fear will trip us up every time. It’s time we realize we’re more competent and capable than we ever thought we were.

Lack of Clear Vision
How well do we know ourselves? We might have a pretty good idea of our strengths, but how well do we know our weaknesses? It’s hard to be honest with ourselves, especially when looking at our flaws. But when we’re not able to face the facts, it’s easy to get in over our heads. When this happens, we pull back and stop trying, guaranteeing failure.

Playing it Small
Let’s face it; we’ve been taught not to show the world how great we are. We’re taught it’s not nice to boast or show off. As a result, sometimes we don’t succeed, at least not as much as we could. We hold back because we worry about what other people will think. It’s time to step up and show the world we’re made to shine.

Going it Alone
When we start doubting ourselves, we start thinking it’s better not to let anyone else see what we’re doing in case we mess up. This means we do a lot of things alone. What we don’t realize is how vital a healthy support system can be. By allowing people into your life, you’ll get much further than if you kept trying on our own.

Making Others Feel Small
Sometimes we become so worried about our success; we start feeling threatened by the success of others. When this happens, it’s not uncommon to try to make the other person feel small. We need to start realizing there is enough success to go around. The more we build each other up, the more we guarantee our successes.

Did you see yourself reflected in any of these self-sabotage behaviors? If so, don’t despair, awareness is essential to change. Read on to discover more!

Top 5 Methods We Use to Sabotage Self Care

How are you feeling right now? Are you happy with where you are physically and emotionally? Would you be considered healthy by your doctor?

These are essential questions. The problem is, much as we have good intentions regarding our health, sometimes we self-sabotage our self-care. It’s not as though we want to be unhealthy, but subconsciously there might be something holding us back from becoming the healthiest and happiest versions of ourselves.

What are the top methods we use to do this?

We Make Excuses
There’s always a reason for not getting something done. Especially true when it comes to taking care of ourselves, we say we don’t have time to exercise, or we don’t have the money to eat right. We become so good at making excuses that we don’t need to try at all. How to stop it? Like the shoe company says, just do it!

We Choose the Wrong Companions
Not everyone is on a journey to better health. Hanging around with people who are opposed to your goals is a sure way to keep from reaching them. What’s worse is when your friends sabotage your attempts by putting down your efforts. At the worst levels, the people around us become so abusive; they hurt your health, both mentally and physically. People like these need to be avoided at all costs.

We Worry What Other People Will Think
Are you afraid of looking foolish? One of the most common reasons people avoid going to the gym is because they’re afraid others will make fun of them. This is especially a problem in regards to mental health. In many religions and cultures, it is still considered shameful to seek out counseling or intervention for mental health issues. The only way past this? Focus on you and not on what others think.

We Feel Like We Won’t Be Good Enough
Sometimes it’s hard to get started because you feel like you’re going to fail right away. You know you’re going to go off the diet. You want to start an exercise plan, but you think you will be clumsy. When your expectations are too high for yourself, it’s very easy to defeat positive efforts towards self-care before you even begin. The cure is setting more realistic goals.

We Don’t Think We Deserve It
Why should we get to spend time on ourselves? Too often, we start thinking we’re selfish if we spend time or money on ourselves. But since when is taking care of you a bad thing?

In every one of these methods, the cure is relatively simple. You need to realize just how wonderful you are. You are worth the effort! End of story.

5 Ways We Self-Sabotage Our Finances

Why is it we never seem to have enough money? Sure, sometimes, we spend too much. But doesn’t everyone?

Have you ever considered you might be self-sabotaging your finances? It seems a stupid question. Why would anyone do this? Consider these things:

Are You Trying Too Hard to Keep Up?
The world can be a tempting place, especially when we see all the beautiful things our friends have. Is it any wonder we sometimes fall into the trap of keeping up with the Joneses? The problem is, we can’t always afford to live this way, especially when it leads to a lot of extended, drawn-out payment plans and debt.

How Are You Using Credit?
When you got your first credit card, did you say you were only going to use it emergencies? The problem is, at some point, you figured out just how easy it was to use the rest of the time. If you’re using your credit card for small purchases throughout the month, you’re putting yourself in debt unnecessarily. This is a bad habit to get into.

When is the Last Time You Comparison Shopped?
Are you looking for a big-ticket item? You might be saving time by buying the first thing you see, but you certainly aren’t saving money. Remember, you can get a much better deal by shopping around. A little research can go a long way to help to stay under budget.

Are You Living Large?
What do you do in your spare time? We love hobbies. The problem is, sometimes, hobbies can be costly, especially when you’re engaging in pastimes which require a lot of equipment or travel. Can you really afford this kind of fun?

Have You Been Driving Yourself into Debt?
When was the last time you got a new car? If you’ve been continuously making car payments for years by trading in your old car and getting a new one as soon as the old car is even paid off, you’re not doing yourself any favors. You would save a considerable amount of money by driving the old car as long as you can once it’s paid off. So long as the car is running well, there’s no need to turn it in yet.

Every one of these items is about the choices we make with our money. It’s easy to overspend, especially when we have an image in our heads of the life we want to lead might not be in keeping with our actual income. To keep from self-sabotaging your finances, it might be time for a reality check. Ask yourself what you can honestly afford in all of these areas of your life, and it will help you get back on track.

5 Types of Toxic People Who “Help” Us Self-Sabotage

Do you feel like you’re holding yourself back? Are you not achieving the success that you ought to have? If this is the case, you might want to consider one essential thing. You might have had help.

In our lives, it is not uncommon to have toxic people who love nothing more than to help you be our own worst enemy. The sad thing is, more often than not, they masquerade as friends. Let’s look at various types of toxic people and discover how they help us to be able to worst enemy.

The Gossip
There’s always someone in every circle of friends who knows everything about everyone. The scary part? They love sharing their knowledge, whether it’s accurate or not. If you’re holding back because you’re worried about what other people will think, it’s because you know people like this who will think plenty and…share it with others.

The Pessimist
This individual can look at a situation and see the potential for disaster much quicker than they could ever see the potential for success. These are the people who seemed to live for the drama that comes when everything starts going wrong and will help convince you that anything you do will fail (as if you needed any help).

The Performer
This is not the person to go to any time you’re feeling unsure about a situation, or you could use some support. The performer hears your problem and uses it as a launchpad to talk about how they had it worse. Every conversation has to be about them. More often than not, they seemed sympathetic, so you might mistake them for friends until you realize that they never have an equal interest in you. They will leave you high and dry every time.

The Condescending
Whether someone is ‘mansplaining’ or just plain looking down their nose at your accomplishments, the Condescending is an expert at helping you to feel small. If you’re already struggling with negative self-talk, the condescending will validate the worst of what you have to say about yourself.

The Jealous
You work hard. You accomplish great things. But this individual will find a way to tear you down simply because they can’t stand that you’re getting ahead. If you’re ever unsure of yourself, the jealous will exploit this, because the only way they feel like they’re getting ahead is if you are not.

The rule of thumb with any of these is to avoid toxic people at all costs. You don’t need false friends in your life. Instead, find people who build you up and support you in what you do. Remember: real friends will help you reach the truest success.

5 Tips to Stop Adding More Stress in Your Life

Just how much do you have going on right now?

If you’re like most people, your schedule is probably pretty full. Between work, family, and other obligations, there’s always something to do. With busyness, though, comes stress. Even when you’re doing things you enjoy, having a lot on your plate can create stressful situations.

So how do you put an end to creating more stress in your life, but still get done the things you want to do most? Try these five tips.

Stop Being so Goal-Oriented
If you’re rushing around trying to get everything done at once, micromanaging, and insisting being in charge, you’re going to be stressed. It’s easy sometimes to get so wrapped up in accomplishing things you forget to breathe. Anytime you’re too goal-oriented, you need to ask yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing in the first place. Is it possible you’re setting some goals that are too lofty or involve things you shouldn’t be wasting your time on?

Quit Talking Down to Yourself
It’s incredibly stressful when other people put you down. It’s even worse when we do to ourselves. When your internal dialogue is full of failure, negative comments, and reminders of past mistakes, it’s tough to get things done, or even to feel good about your efforts.

Learn to Better Handle Conflict
Few people enjoy confrontation. If you’re not handling conflict well, you’re going to be stressed out. The solution? Learn better communication skills. Skillfully verbalizing your point and managing difficult conversations is crucial to reducing stress.

Stop Expecting Failure
This has been touched on before when discussing negative self-talk. Expecting failure runs deeper, though. This kind of reasoning can stop you from trying in the first place. Even if you do try, you’re going to be so stressed out, you’re likely to self-sabotage and wind up failing after all.

Doing Too Much
Here is the heart of the matter. Most people tend to overcommit. When your schedule is booked solid, it’s normal to feel stressed out. Here is where a reality check helps. Write out your schedule for the next week, and ask yourself which of these items or truly expendable and which of these are truly necessary. It might be time to reassess your priorities.

While there is no cure-all to getting rid of stress in your life altogether, by following these steps, you can reduce it. Remember, the key lies in being intentional and refusing to let stress take over your life.

Hopefully, by now, you’ve discovered whether or not you’re engaging in self-defeating behaviors. Now, what? Thankfully, there are many ways you can combat self-defeating behaviors and come out on top.


Download eBook and Workbook: Your Own Worst Enemy: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behaviors

Remember, you don’t have to go it alone! If you’d like support while you overcome your self-defeating behaviors, book a 1-on-1 conversation with me here and we’ll talk about how coaching can boost your results!

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